Friday, September 28, 2012


Ditanya soal perjuangan. Bagaimana harus berjuang. Setakat mana mampu untuk terus berjuang. Dan sampai bila harus berjuang. Itu membuat aku penasaran. Perjuangan yg bagaimana aku mahukan, yg berkonsepkan apa, yg berteraskan apa, yg dibentengi dgn hujah bagaimana, aku masih keliru. Masih tercari-cari. Masih berada pada suatu tahap dan landasan yg membuat aku rasa, ' Apa pilihan yg ada padaku? Dan apa aset yg ada pada aku untuk aku terus kuat berjuang, andai berjuang itu adalah pilihanku?' Sukar diperjelasi. Amat sukar sekali difahami mereka-mereka yg belum tahu, aku bagaimana dan apa yg aku mahu capai dan gapai sepanjang perjuangan ini. Celaru.

Jika berjuang itu perlukan semangat, seribu satu semangat akan aku hamparkan.
Jika berjuang itu perlukan kekuatan fizikal dan mental., selagi daya cuba aku persembahkan.
Jika berjuang itu perlukan ilmu, berhabis akal aku kerahkan.
Jika berjuang itu perlukan taruhan, bermati-matian aku relakan.

Dan suatu yg pasti dari aku buat satu perjuangan, yakni


Suka datang bersama duka. Tawa datang bersama tangisan. Kemenangan datang membawa kekalahan. Kekuatan bermula dari kelemahan. Kepincangan pergi membawa kesempurnaan. Mati datang menggantikan hidup. Itu lumrahnye kehidupan. Selagi mana diri mampu untuk terus berjuang, maka teruskanlah.

**Tiada kehidupan tanpa ujian, tiada kebahagiaan tanpa pengorbanan dan tiada cinta tanpa air mata

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Don't Cry. Please. Just don't.

Its weird people. How a person that used to be someone near to me suddenly turn around and become my biggest enemy. Haha. And now, I'm laughing like hell wishing that this is only a nightmare. And haha, I'm laughing non-stop that none of my wishes come true. Pity me, myself and I.

This night, i keep thinking bout this one particular thing. Am i complicated? Am i unstable? Am i that stupid that I crying non-stop thinking how can I fix the whole things back to normal? Am i that difficult for them to even understand? Am i that complicated that they keep misunderstanding me and judge me like hell? God, I'm sick!

And this one thing keep clinging in my mind. That bittersweet feeling knowing that I used to tell so many things, shared millions memories. And the bad part is that I no longer associated with that particular person whom used to be the one I shared lots of secret and my past. That was such a tragedy indeed. You know. From all people you've got rite this moment, the one who choose to leave is the one that you loved the most. The one that understand you the most. The one that you wish will be the last person on earth who leave you. And rite this very moment, that one person walked out of your life because of some small unimportant conflict which was so happen to affect you both. How sad.

I did remember all those stupid moments we shared together. And that very precious moment can never be replaced, can never been faded by time, will never be forget by mind. Valuable. Valuable enough.

Well, I'm so sorry. Sorry for existing in your life when I could have knew that you didn't want me to be there in the very first place. I should have walked out of your life sooner, but it was my fault that I didn't want to and choose to be there for you. I should have died, or faded, or even turn to dust so that you don't even have to see my face again and again. Or should I stab myself rite in front of your eyes to be pretty sure that I'm dead enough to even appear again in your freaking perfect life?

And tell me this one thing buddy.


No choice isn't it? Except for crying non-stop, curl in my bed, slammed the door hard and counting how many days passes by since we last talked to each other..