Confusion. Men and Family.

Assalamualaikum and hi.

I am not really into writing right now. But it is really a matter of fact; that I somehow press myself to write something before I forget this thing. It happened to me, but it wasnt that interesting or significant. I just hoping that somehow, I will be able to re-READ this entry one fine day, learning and interpreting; what kind of life I had gone through actually. 

Confusion that happen to affect my life. Men that happen to come and leave alongside me. And family which happen to somehow, um I do not know for sure. 

If you were to be proposed by more than 5 men in your freaking life, just what will you do? Answer me.

If you were to reject the other 4 men and end up choosing one, which one would you actually favor the most? Tell me.

If you were to chose one, yet you found out that no one is really capable of being your partner, just what will you actually end up doing? Share with me.

OR

If you were falling for someone that is none of any 5, what will actually happen? Say something.

OR

If you were falling for any two of them, yet you find it was hard to choose the real one you want because both is very dear to you, who will actually end up being yours? Choose for me then.

OR

Your family finally interfere and ask you to find someone reliable; religious; how is it actually goes on? Please, someone?

I was actually stuck. It was something that bother every day of my life.  And I find no solution to this particular messed-up thing. 

I am confuse. And I pray that somehow, someone will accept me for my true self. 

Yes.

My true-self.

I was somehow found someone reliable; my family; has a bit issue with this particular guy. Just because his education is nothing compared to mine. Just what on earth did my family was thinking at that time actually? I'm i love with this particular guy. But I end up leaving him for someone better. 

I'm so hopeless. And restless. 

M.E.M.O.R.I.E.S O.F.U.S

.day month year.

I've been thinking bout our girl-to-girl moment spent throughout our years of friendship. So, I end up posting an entry to RECALL all of those memories we created long long long years ago. I've nothing in particular to show. A song I found from a damn good movie. Nice one really. Please spend sometimes to go through the lyrics and watch the VIDEO too :') In other words; Me H.E.A.R.T you xD

Monday, I'm waiting
Tuesday, I'm still waiting to see you to see,
see how you're doing

Wednesday  you still don't come
nothing in the late morning
Thursday is empty

whether it's Friday Saturday or Sunday
there isnt a day I dont think of you
there wont be a day when youll come back
to revisit our past

the day I met you
the day we became close
the day we held hands

the day I fell in love with you
the day I confessed it
the day that you heard it

will it be much longer? I just don't know
will it be several months or another year?
of the tens of thousands, countless memories we shared
I've never not thought of you

January is endless
February is dull
March is also vague
April I'm restless
May is painful
June is empty

will it be much longer? I just dont know
will it be several months or another year?
of the tens of thousands, countless memories we shared
I've never not thought of you

will it be much longer? I just dont know
of the tens of thousands, countless memories we shared
I've never not thought of you

I'm fine and you're kind :(:)

How should I put this into words? Sebenarnya betul apa yg sesetengah orang cakap; yang hakikatnya tak semua orang akan faham apa yang kita lalui dan rasai. It was so frustrated to learn the facts that some people can listen to you, yet they can do nothing except for making thing worse. Sbb apa? Sbb semua tu takkan mengubah apa2.

It is like kalau kita cakap, 'its okay, I'm fine'. And they would end up saying, 'really? I'm glad. Sedangkan, apa yg kita ingin sampaikan adalah sebaliknya. Apa yg kita cuba nak sampaikan adalah, 'I broke down easily. And I want someone to comfort me every now and then. Don't leave me alone and cheer me up, please!'

We encountered a lot of hardships in life. Yes. And we become a new person every time we accomplished a mission in life. We improvise ourselves a lot. But was it enough? Was is enough to make us even better in handling those heart-breaking moment in life? It is unshakable? Give me some mercy!

Was it that difficult for someone to even understand that some people are not that strong like what they had been showing? that some people are actually weak; very weak; helpless; so tiny and small; or even failed in life so often?

It was so frustrating people. It was and it will always be. A happy and cheerful face does not always come with a happy heart. Go and dig. Understand and feel it. Learn of how these people trying their very best to draw a smile; as if there's nothing to be sad of.

And I. Am so tired of pretending like one. In front of so many people. So, I will end up crying under my blanket; later in the midnight. When everybody fall asleep. So that people wont see, how weak am I. Haha